seasons of dusk

December 6, 2005


9:55 pm, Fine Cuisine


 


i woke up at dusk after a long nap, and for the first time, i didn’t feel the loneliness and vulnerability that i’ve always felt at dusk ever since i was a child. instead, i welcomed the solitude and the coming darkness. have i, perhaps, finally grown up? or am i just numb today?


 


just last night, i was feeling sick, partly caused, i believe, by some inexplicable emotional turmoil. but anyway, when i’m physically out of sorts, i become even more emotionally/ physically vulnerable. it’s like i lose all my energy to do anything by myself and long for a warm body to make me feel safe [so, ana, i ALMOST didn’t make it to the movie because you’d gone ahead to ayala]. good thing lots of water and prayers made it disappear by the time i woke up, and now i just have a cold.


 


right now i’m supposed to be doing my scholarship application, but i’m just missing ashley =( she’s been kicked out of the house. just yesterday, new house rules were made: No Pets, No More Cooking, No More Personal Stuff Outside the Room (including the bathroom), and No More Roommates. so i had to spend most of my day off yesterday cleaning up and putting stuff away. might have to take the boat home this christmas to bring some of my things home. might move to mindanao next year, anyway.


 


as for ashley, she’s temporarily housed at the office garage, since there’s at least space for her to play and some earth where she can relieve herself (even at such a young age, she’s a very good girl). i can just leave her with cat food, and visit her when she needs milk. last night, though, when i left her for the first time, she was crying, which is something she doesn’t do at home when i leave her downstairs, or even when i step out of the office during the day.


 


i gave her a bath tonight, and she looks so pretty again. she was so hungry after the bath, even though her tummy was still big from all the milk i fed her before that. i guess shivering uses up a lot of calories. when she was all dry, she went right back to hopping around like a fat rabbit-cat, as kyra called her. and now it’s me who’s missing her =(


 


in the meantime, here are the questions i have to ponder (which i’ve actually been pondering for months now):


 


Describe in approximately 75 words your most outstanding non-academic achievement where you demonstrated leadership potential.


 


Describe in approximately 75 words a creative activity that you have initiated, why you did it, and precisely your own role.


 


AND write my own recommendation letter for my boss to sign =P that’s even worse. i don’t think this is low self-esteem that’s giving me writer’s block. anyone want to help me out?

Comments

  1. XXXX YYYYDecember 6, 2005 at 8:37 PM

    and you let me go on and on about my own distress? :( anyway, if you want to talk about it, i promise i'll shut up (TEMPORARILY) about my own problems and listen well to you :)

    ReplyDelete

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