It Ain’t Easy Being Brown

STRANGER THAN FICTION

by Jeneen R. Garcia

Published in 2002

Never fails. Every time I walk down a grocery’s toiletries section, an overly eager, mestiza sales lady blocks my path, wielding the latest whitening product. It’s as if I had a sign on my forehead saying “In Need of Whitening: Approach at Will”. 

It’s weird how even in this age of political correctness and Naomi Campbell, Filipinos still automatically equate beauty with fair, cancer-prone skin. And have you noticed how they use naturally white people like Lucy Torres and aforementioned sales lady to endorse their product, in a strategy to make us brownies insecure?

In fairness, it’s generally easier to find something that’s bright than dark. It’s less straining to the eyes. Bright surfaces reflect instead of absorb light, making everything else around them brighter.

My mother most of all has always wished my skin were whiter. She says I was born reddish, and was worried I would take after my kayumanggi father. My grandmother, however, assured her it was just blood rushing to my white skin that made me look flushed. It didn’t take long for them to discover it wasn’t blood at all but melanin.

I don’t know what it was that made me not care about my color, even as a kid with a mestiza-minded mother and a father who has resorted to whitening cream. Maybe I didn’t look in the mirror enough. Or maybe I just loved the beach more than my face. Summer in those days meant playing in the water non-stop for 7 hours.

Over the years, I got too busy with my studies to swim. The heavily chlorinated water in Manila turned my skin an icky khaki. But when senior year came, I thought up a thesis that would take me back to the sea, and got myself darker than I had ever been. Come graduation day, EVERYONE had a tan—or was envious of mine. In a school full of rich and beautiful half-breeds, I became an exotic species.

Alas, in the real world, where most everyone is just a few shades lighter than me, I’m still considered a victim of unfortunate genes. Only in my latest grocery experience did I manage to somewhat redeem myself:

Promo girl:  Ma’am, XXXX whitening soap. Makaputi ni after one week lang! [Whitens after only one week!]

Me:  Uh…sige lang. (with a polite smile and a shake of my head) [Uh...that's ok.]

Promo girl:  (bends down and excitedly holds up another brand) Kani ma’am, mas dugay ka mo-puti, pero mas barato ni siya! [This one, ma'am, it will take longer for you to get white, but it's cheaper!]

Me:  Sorry, miss ha pero di man gud ko gusto magpaputi. [Sorry, miss, but I don't want to become white.]

With that, I walked off, her white jaw dropping.